Best Dating App For Long Term
In 2020, dating apps are the most common way couples meet.But with so many matchmaking services, it can be hard to determine the best dating apps for marriage. While not everyone downloads an app with a wedding in mind, more users are turning to digital services to find a long-lasting relationship. Luckily, I have plenty of friends who have found long-term relationships on the members-only app and lived to tell the tale. Raya used to be a secret dating app for celebrities, but now most people can get on it (present company excluded) if they have a friend pass and are selected by a mysterious committee.
In a fast-paced, technologically driven world, many singles are turning to the internet in hopes of finding love. But while meeting new people is easier than ever before, the dating game has become even more complicated under the guise of convenience. With so many different options available, which dating app is best for long-term relationships, as opposed to casual flings (which are great in their own right)?
'Dating apps can be excellent resources to connect with people,' says Dr. Stefani Threadgill, a sexologist, PhD, LMFT, and founder of The Sex Therapy Institute in Plano, Texas. 'Most of us take the same commute to work [and] grab coffee or lunch at the same places every day. We are limited in our routines with new people to meet, especially in certain geographical areas such as rural areas or even the suburbs where the feel is 'everyone knows everyone.'
It's true that online dating expands your search area exponentially, but it can also lead to sloppy etiquette, at-a-glance judgements, and a mentality of endless (and disposable) connections. So in today's day and age, how does a savvy woman wade through a sea of singles in order to find 'the one'?
Ahead, relationship experts and real-life usersspeak candidly about their own experiences using some of today's hottest dating platforms. From swipe-style apps to lengthy profiles on popular matching sites, it's not just about what you use; it's how you use it. If you're ready to quit all your dating apps, read this first.
Look For Platforms That Encourage Detailed Profiles
If you've taken to the web to search for a soulmate, the first step is to pinpoint the platform(s) that best serves your needs. There are always exceptions to the rule, but generally speaking, apps that encourage snap judgements based on appearances tend to attract a more casual crowd, while in-depth profiles can indicate users looking for something more.
'With only photos and a few words, there's no way to know if the other person aligns with your values, interests, humor, worldview, etc.,' points out Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, a sociologist and intimacy speaker, author of the new book, From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women. Based in San Diego, the 40-something relationship guru is a dating app user, herself. 'I can't and won't use the Tinder-style apps. It personally doesn't feel like it's worth my time and I'm looking more for quality over quantity.'
Instead, she recommends using platforms that encourage in-depth profiles, which can help weed out shallow connections. 'There are sites that specifically cater to folks looking for long-term relationships, like eHarmony or Hinge. It's worth spending time on these and creating a profile (with feedback from male and female friends) that helps you attract the kind of person you're looking for.'
Sonya Schwartz, a dating and relationship expert and founder of the dating blog Her Aspiration, agrees. 'eHarmony, for instance, requires [users] to fill in a lengthy questionnaire that's too boresome for those looking for hookups, but inspires trust to those looking for marriage or long-term,' says the 43-year-old from Plano, Texas. 'Match also has a lengthier signup process that appeals to those interested in something serious. Badoo and Tinder are more 'bubbly'; they attract younger folks who're more interested in a casual thing or one-night-stand.' (Now, to be clear, there's nothing wrong with wanting something less serious and non-committal. If that's your preference, swipe away!)
Make Your Intentions Known
Both experts and dating app users agree that sharing your intentions up front is key in narrowing your search. 'If you're looking for a long-term relationship and find yourself really attracted to someone but they clearly state that they aren't looking for anything serious, move on,' warns Dr. Gunsaullus. 'Don't secretly hope that you'll change their mind because your connection feels so strong.'
While you can certainly do this with any site or app, some are more conducive to revealing this information at a glance. 'I always swipe left if someone’s just looking for 'something casual,' says Ashli Campbell, a 30-year-old dating app user from Portland, Maine. When relationship preferences are clear from the get-go, 'it removes the need for the awkward 'so what are you looking for on here?' conversation,' she adds.
Of course, that initial honesty can lead to its own slew of frustrations. 'Bumble now offers the ability to put 'labels' on your profile of what you’re looking for (i.e. relationships, flings, if you want kids ...),' explains Kayla Hockman, a 26-year-old publicist in Los Angeles who's tried several matching services. 'At first glance, I thought it was a good idea, but [it] apparently only drives men away, according to two men I met on Bumble who gave me their unsolicited advice after seeing I had labeled myself as the 'relationship type.' But discouraging as it may be, immaturity like this is not indicative of long-term relationship material.
Keep An Open Mind
It's a tough balance: On the one hand, it's important to be honest about what you're looking for in a partner, but become too picky, and you can miss a spark. In fact, it's one of the biggest online dating mistakes people tend to make.
'I call it the 'all the fish in the sea' syndrome,' says Hockman. 'Everyone has a database of 'all' the singles in [their immediate area] and it can be overwhelming, so people become incredibly picky, which usually gives you little to no luck. So [my] tip is: Be open for an unexpected match but don’t stress over [...] looking for someone possibly 'better.'
Campbell seconds this advice. 'Don’t narrow your focus to people with the same interests as you, or to the qualities or interests of your ideal mate,' she suggests. 'Instead, be open-minded. You may learn to enjoy things you never thought you’d do (like bird-watching, which I actually had a ton of fun doing [with an online date]).'
Consider Whether Paid Subscriptions Are Worth It
Then, there's the matter of paid subscription services, which tend to offer in-depth features while (hopefully) discouraging more casual users. So, is it worth the money?
'Paid sites don’t ensure compatible interests or intentions from both parties involved,' notes Dr. Threadgill. 'That said, ‘the fish that you catch is a function of the bait that you use.’ It is my favorite piece of dating advice (I believe I heard it in a workshop given by David Schnarch at SMU in 2011).'
Hockman admits she's skeptical of whether it's worth shelling out cash to access profiles. 'The thing is, I don’t want to pay for a database of men that seemingly may still only want to hook up,' she says.
So, perhaps more important than deciding whether to sign up for a paid service is seeking one out that speaks to you. Does it ask questions you'd want to know about potential matches, and ones you'd like them to know about you? Are there sign-up requirements that might discourage anyone just looking for a one-night stand? Do you enjoy the features and overall user experience? If you find a platform that checks all these boxes and there's a fee to join, it might be worth it.
What These Ladies Really Think About These Popular Dating Apps
Naturally, not everyone will have the same user experience (yes, it'spossible to find long-term love on Tinder), but these app users give their take on a few of today's most popular platforms.
Tinder: 'Tinder seems to be mostly used for hookups and just sometimes for relationships. Sometimes people note 'no hookups' in their profile. On the other hand, I often see the phrase, 'Here for a good time, not a long time.' — Campbell
OKCupid: 'I used to love OKCupid for finding potential serious relationships. They were more inclusive than other dating apps and asked interesting questions, and once you answered enough of their weighted questions, their algorithm was so impressive. But a few years ago it was clear they started screwing around with their algorithm and then they moved to more of a Tinder-like swipe style. I no longer recommend this app like I used to, and I don't use it myself anymore.' — Dr. Gunsaullus
Bumble: 'The dating pool on Bumble is similar to that of Hinge. People are able to identify in their profile what they’re looking for, so it’s more often listed up front along with where they’re from, level of schooling, height, whether or not you want kids, etc. It makes it easy to swipe left or right.' — Campbell
Hinge: 'Hinge seems more balanced in terms of what people are looking for. I have seen more professionals in their 30s on Hinge than on Tinder.' — Campbell
Match/eHarmony: 'I found Match to be more suitable for casual dates and long-term relationships, whereas eHarmony works better for long-term commitments and marriage[seeking].' - Schwartz
Even if you’re the kind of person who loves the thrill of the hunt, the seemingly never-ending dating carousel can start to feel like a bit of a drag. Bad dates can be extremely demoralizing, especially if you’re having the same kind of negative experience over and over again. You start to lose faith in humanity when it feels like people are disappointing you on a loop. But this might just mean that your current dating strategy isn’t serving you! If that’s the case, then you’re going to want to try one of the nine best dating apps for your 30s.
After a seven-year relationship unexpectedly ended in my mid-30s, I knew that I had no choice but to get on dating apps, despite never having used them before. Luckily, I had friends with plenty of experience in the online dating world to direct me to the best dating apps for your 30s. I was fairly certain that Tinder wasn’t right for me—it just felt like the kind of thing you use to have fun in your 20s—and most of my pals agreed. That’s certainly not to say that you can’t find lasting love on Tinder, it’s just that most people don’t use it to find something long-term and serious, so you might as well skip it (unless some temporary fun is what you’re looking for, of course!).
Anecdotal evidence shows that if you’re willing to pay for an app, then you’re more likely to match with others who are also serious about finding love. However, that doesn’t mean you have to shell out money to find your future partner. The best dating apps for your 30s give you the option to pay, but don’t force it. This way, you can bop around and see what’s right for you without committing to a monthly payment.
Scroll on to see the 9 best dating apps for your 30s:
Hinge
Hinge’s motto is “Designed to be deleted.” The app and its users are goal-oriented: the said goal being finding a meaningful relationship. Hinge is one of the best dating apps for your 30s because you really get a sense that the other users are looking for a true connection. It’s not as oversaturated with users as more popular apps like Bumble and Tinder, so for the most part it all feels quite purposeful and earnest. The fact that there are fewer users does mean that you run out of swipes faster than on other apps, but that means also you waste less time scrolling.
If you want to expedite the process, you can sign up for one, three, or six months of Preferred Membership, starting at $19.99 for one month. I met my current partner on Hinge and am quick to recommend it to those looking for the real deal. What can I say, it worked!
Bumble
I’ve definitely spent a fair amount of time on Bumble and for the most part, found that the people who are on it are serious about finding relationships. There are a lot of people using this app, which is great because you never run out of potential lovers to check out. That said, because of the sheer volume of users, a ton of time can be spent swiping away with little to no success, so it’s definitely something to do while watching a chill show in the background.
In my opinion, Bumble has cuter prompt questions than Hinge, and you can up the ante by signing up for Bumble Boost for $14.99 a month or Bumble Premium for $32.99 a month. Each come with their own perks and benefits.
HER
HER is one of the best dating apps for your 30s for LGBTQ+ women and queer folks. I found it to be a safe and inclusive space to connect with queer women and find out about LGBTQ+ events. It can be tricky to navigate traditional dating apps as a queer person, and HER makes negotiating all of that much simpler.
It feels like a very grown-up app—the people on it are serious about dating and it has a fun, sweet, yet no-nonsense vibe. The app’s motto is “Find your person,” so it’s a good place to start for anyone looking to go beyond the hookup world. It also has a paid subscription starting at $14.99 a month that comes with additional features.
Match
Match is one of the OG dating sites from the mid-aughts that made the switch to an app-style platform but retained its subscriber-only model. Rates begin at $17.99 a month and go up depending on which features you prefer. The benefit of this price model is that the people who are on the app are serious about finding someone. No one is shelling out money who doesn’t actually want to get meaningful results, you know?
It’s one of the best sites for single professionals, so there are lots of high-quality matches to be found (their words, not mine—you cannot ascribe a monetary value to a human!) You don’t need to worry about wasting your time with people who are dabbling more casual scenarios because everyone on the app is on a mission to find love!
Lox Club
Best Dating App For Long Term Relationships
Lox Club is a relatively new members-only dating app primarily for Jewish people, though anyone can apply. They state that “The Lox Club is like a deli; it’s culturally Jewish, but you don’t have to be Jewish to enjoy it.” I am not Jewish and I was accepted back when I was single and mingling. It’s primarily based in the states, but it is available everywhere, so members can see compatible matches from cities all over the world—perfect if you’re looking for a way to get an EU passport. (Wink, wink!)
The app specifically recruits non-douchey, funny, down-to-earth, ambitious people who are looking for something real. Compared to other apps it’s a pretty small pool of members to pick from, but we’re talking quality over quantity here.
OK Cupid
Similar to Harmony,(but much more affordable) OK Cupid matches users based on an extensive questionnaire and a math-based matching system that links you up with compatible potential dates. It’s a fairly successful and decently accurate system if you’re willing to be really honest about what you’re looking for and who you are interested in.
This dating site is insanely popular! Like Match, OK Cupid started out as a website that turned into an app, making it much more convenient. It also has a premium membership option starting at $39.99 a month if you want to really ramp it up and take advantage of even more features.
Raya
For reasons we needn’t get into here, I was blacklisted from Raya a few years back and wasn’t able to take advantage of this exclusive dating app while I could. Luckily, I have plenty of friends who have found long-term relationships on the members-only app and lived to tell the tale.
Raya used to be a secret dating app for celebrities, but now most people can get on it (present company excluded) if they have a friend pass and are selected by a mysterious committee. If you’re not put off by the slightly status-y vibe or the monthly fee, ($7.99) then you’ll be able to check out some seriously cool people all over the world.
Best Dating Apps For Men
Ship
Unlike most dating apps, Ship requires the cooperation of your friends—they’re the ones doing the swiping for you! My friend Jessie and I made profiles for each other last year and had a blast sending each other potential matches. You set up your profile, get matched to other users that your friends like, and then get to chatting!
I found it to be an incredibly refreshing and fun take on the traditional dating app. It felt much less arduous—and since it’s still pretty small scale compared to other apps, there’s less wading through mud, if you know that I mean. By the time I got to my mid-late 30s, I knew it was time to recruit some pals to weigh in on my questionable dating habits, and this free app made it easy and fun.
Coffee Meets Bagel
Dating Apps For Free
One of the reasons that Coffee Meets Bagel is one of the best dating apps for your 30s is that users fill out an extensive profile that potential matches can see immediately. It completely eliminates the need for small talk, one of the most dreaded parts of online dating.
Coffee Meets Bagel pushes back against the notion that dating apps are for hookups, and actively combats ambiguity or confusion that can sometimes surround online dating. If you’re on Coffee Meets Bagel, then you’re looking for something serious.